Feb
20
As I mentioned in a previous post, Happier is perhaps the most important personal growth book for 2008. Just a few days ago, I picked the book up again to browse through the main points and refresh my memory on author Tal Ben-Shahar’s primary points. The basic premise of the book is that achieving happiness is primarily a matter of balancing short-term enjoyment with long-term growth.
Ben-Shahar divides typical approaches to happiness into three general groups – rat racers, hedonists, and nihilists. The rat racer is always postponing happiness for some future promise of success or rewards. According to Happier, most people in our fast-paced American culture fall into this self-deceived group. The unhappy worker always waiting for that promise of financial reward or a promotion opportunity is the quintessential example.
The hedonist is another example in which happiness is promoted to a top position but is actually confused for pleasure. Gorging on food and drink. Enjoying the many fruits of life to excess. Always putting self gratification first. In this model, pleasure is achieved now but happiness is never really achieved.
Nihilism is the author’s final category example. These folks simply dismiss any real possibility of happiness and turn away from any real efforts to grow, improve, or advance their lives. Nihilists essentially dismiss the whole happiness project altogether.
After explaining these three standard types, Happier offers a new vision for improving your life and actually getting better results. What I appreciate most about this book is its realistic and honest approach in presenting happiness to readers. The self help genre is loaded with books that promise undeliverable results and encourage readers to simply change the way they think about the world. While some of these approaches can be helpful, all too often the results are something resembling self-hypnosis and fall short of the mark.
Happier helps readers balance their present moment feelings with long-term goals. The idea is not to simply read the book and then instantly experience life changing results. Instead, the idea is to learn to think of happiness as an on-going process.
As Ben-Shahar explains, “We can always be happier; no person experiences perfect bliss at all times and has nothing more to which he can aspire. Therefore, rather than asking myself whether I am happy or not, a more helpful question is, ‘How can I become happier?’”
My suggestion… Start by reading this great book.
Feb
7
Why Goal Setting Really Works
Filed Under Mindful Growth, Mindful Living | 6 Comments
Perhaps my favorite book in the self improvement genre from 2007 is Happier - a kind of manual for finding and creating more happiness in daily life. One of author Tal Ben-Shahar’s primary arguments is that goals are a major contributor to personal satisfaction and general happiness. Essentially, if you are consistently setting goals, achieving goals, and then setting even more goals, you will likely enjoy life more.
Goals give meaning to life. If you wake up in the morning and have things to do and people to see, then life will feel good and be good most of the time. Of course, the opposite is true. Life can be quite disappointing when it seems we have nothing to live for.
So how do you get started? First, you must know what you want.
While listening to a Brian Tracy audio program recently, I was struck by the following words - “You can’t hit a target you cannot see.” Tracy, one of the leading experts in the business motivation field, is absolutely right. If you don’t know where you’re headed, how will you ever get there?
Of course, if achieving a goal is important in the first place, you’re really half way there. As the Brian Tracy quote suggests, knowing what you want is a major component of goal setting that should be addressed very early in the process.
So start here. Figure out what it is you want and start moving towards it. Spend time today writing about your goals to clarify your thinking. You may be surprised. Often, when I complete these types of exercises, I find myself setting goals I hadn’t even considered beforehand.
And then an amazing thing will take place. As you begin to crystallize your goals in writing, you will create that “target” for your daily living. Your life will take on far more purpose than before and as Tal Ben-Shahar points out, you’ll start feeling happier and more fulfilled.
Ever wonder why men tend to die before women? Much of the evidence in lifespan and gerontology studies suggests that men often lose their sense of purpose in their retirement years. Men usually see work as a primary creative outlet. When the work ends, their purpose ends. And where there is no purpose, there is no life.
Women, on the other hand, find great joy and satisfaction in raising a family and caring for others. Playing the role of grandmother or family matriarch can bring a woman a lot of purpose and joy long after the clock-punching days are over.
If you’re looking for a great way to invigorate your life, set goals and start moving towards them every day.